I Want My Life Back!
by Imperio-youloveme
Summary: So, in order for you to re-pay me for my stolen days, hours, months, and years of my childhood and teenager years you shall… well, I don’t know what your punishment is yet.


Dear Uchiha (notice how I didn't use you're first name or the suffix I usually used),

Yo! Remember me? The annoying (according to you) girl who used to stalk you…well, that doesn't describe much seeing as you have about the whole female school population (and even some boys thrown in) stalking you since first grade.

Picture this: Pink hair (which is natural, no matter what everybody things and says), Green eyes, about 5'3 (so? I'm short, got a problem with that?!), and used to be your fan girl (notice the _used_ which implies that it was in the past).

You remember me? Good, because I'm writing to you to tell you that I want all those stolen days, hours, months, and years of my childhood and teenage years that you and your good looks stole from me (notice how I said good looks, not personality, because in my opinion you need more that three words in your vocabulary which include hn, ah, and no and you also need a life). 

Right about now you should be thinking to yourself, what the fuck is wrong with this girl?! First, nothing is fucking wrong with me. And second, I am a woman thank you very much! I'm twenty years old and I got over you three years ago when I finished high school, but you want to know what is my problem? Unfortunately you're in the same college as me!!

Fortunately, I am, in fact, over you (no matter what that pig of a best friend may tell you). So, in order for you to re-pay me for my stolen days, hours, months, and years of my childhood and teenager years you shall…well, I don't know what your horrific/ terrible/ dreadful/ awful/ horrendous/ horrifying/ appalling/shocking/ ghastly/ sickening/ gruesome/ horrible (yes, I am well aware that this are all synonyms, but bear with me damn it!) punishment will be. 

Luckily, Ino-Pig (the pig I was talking about earlier) came up with the most outrageously fantastic idea ever (which coming from her is saying something, she usually has the intelligence of a peanut no offence to any peanut, though) ! We should meet at that café right outside campus to discuss your horrific/ terrible/ dreadful/ awful/ horrendous/ horrifying/ appalling/ shocking/ ghastly/ sickening/ gruesome/ horrible chastisement.

I don't care if your cat dies that day, or Naruto (which is pretty much the only connection we have with each other seeing as he's your best friend/ enemy and he's my mother's brother's best friend son…making us like cousins in some twisted and wicked way) intoxicated himself from all the ramen he inhaled that day, or your mother's uncle's cousin's boyfriend's sister's aunt's dog died and you had to attend the funeral, you're to be at that café at 6:30 pm sharp or I'll be inclined to castrate you with a plastic spork.

Sincerely (because, seriously, love you's are so overrated, just F.Y.I),

Sakura Haruno

Haruno, 

As a matter of fact, I do have the misfortune of remembering you (seriously, who could forget a girl with freakishly pink hair). I do, also, remember you stalking me and declaring your undying love to me (in various occasions) and how you would _never_ ever stop loving me.

I see that you're a girl (because I seriously think you don't act like a woman yet) who doesn't keep her promises. What a shame (and think of me saying this sarcastically). About the vocabulary thing? Yeah. Not true. As a matter of fact I have spoken to you in various occasion (mainly when we're both at the hospital visiting Naruto for yet another ramen intoxication) and I do recall saying more than those three words you stereotype me for. 

Those stolen days, hours, months, and years that I supposedly stole from you? That was you! You were the one that made the decision to make my life a living hell, what with me not having any privacy. I do, in fact have a personality. My good looks? Thanks, and here I thought I had beautiful looks, not just good ones (again, notice the heavy sarcasm).

My horrific/ terrible/ dreadful/ awful/ horrendous/ horrifying/ appalling/ shocking/ ghastly/ sickening/ gruesome/ horrible punishment? Not happening Pinky. I am not held responsible for what you did in the past, or what you missed out on.

Lastly, I don't have a cat. I hate cats. I'm more of a dog person. I've already come to the conclusion of not visiting the hospital in a couple of weeks (Naruto's doctor won't let him have any ramen for a month). Seriously, '_your __mother's uncle's cousin's boyfriend's sister's aunt's dog died and you had to attend the funeral'_?__You know the odds of that happening? We learned probability in, what? Sixth grade? The odds are probably one in a million.

Further more, I am not planning to meet you at any café at all. Tell you're friend Ino-Pig that she needs medication…I recommend that you check to see if she's on crack every time she comes up with _'the most outrageously fantastic idea ever!'_. I'd be scared if I were you (but since Naruto is, in fact, as close as a friend can be to me, I shouldn't be saying anything).

Love (not),

Sasuke Uchiha 

P.S.- _'castrate you with a plastic spork'_? I'm not afraid. Anyway, the odds of that actually happening (or you even getting near the castration site) are none to zero. 


End file.
